As 2019 comes to an end, I thought it would be a good idea to reflect on my year, what was learned and add my experience on well, my experience going through the year! I don’t see many of these posts, my coach actually wrote one for 2018 and it inspired me to do the same. Seeing that this was the year I started broadening my coaching services, client base, and professional career, and focusing on specific values, it seems appropriate.
I’ll begin with a personal experiment of mine that I tested across the entire year. I tried to focus exclusively on “work”. Building my coaching business (TMPT7), my website (you're on it!), and my in-person client base (hey, team!). What I did was say no to taking “vacation“ time or time off. This is of course outside of having ~1 day off a week to spend with family. Personally, I consistently work 6 days a week ranging from 3-10 hrs a day, generally around the middle (5-8 hrs). So, to begin point 1 is...
1. You NEED time off... or at least time spent adventuring
Yup. Believe it or not, all of 2019, there was not a single vacation or sick day taken. I understand I am extremely fortunate to have not gotten seriously ill or injured or anything that would have forced me to take off. Yes, there were things like funerals, family and friend events that I was obligated to attend and that was foreseen. That’s life and I actually went to more family events this year than ever (I’ll explain in another point). But, while others went away for a few days or a week, or two I was mainly at work. You might think I’m 'rolling in the dough' and business is booming, but from my experience this was the absolute worst experience ever. I found that my work was either going really well or really bad (or so I thought) and that I was always working, or at least I felt like it. The level of stress, workload, hustle to produce content, market all that stuff, and so on —even while doing what I love, had no way to be diluted or better put... balanced.
Taking time off not to “escape” your everyday life or work, but to experience new things and be adventurous can go a hell of a long way. Moving forward, this will never be a repeated experiment. From my family and myself, trust me, you can afford to be adventurous and take time off in your life.
2. Listen with intent!
I’ve read it, I’ve heard it, I’ve practiced it, I need to continually practice it. I’m a trainer and nutrition coach. I ask my clients tons of engaging questions regularly. I don’t just know them as "clients", but as a family to me. Knowing who’s little 5 year old daughter is the reason they were forced against their will to have some ice cream Saturday night and telling them it’s ok and to not stress it, to who's family member is going through a health emergency causing them to reschedule, I wouldn’t be able to understand more about their lives and who they are and want to be staying inside of our 30-60m sessions by just talking about squats and grilled chicken.
Through all of this, if you listen with the intent, to genuinely understand and get to know someone, I found you develop better, stronger, and more personal relationships with people. Referring to working, just listening with the intent to help someone, will show me the deeper "why" behind if someone can or can't do something and so much more. Developing a culture or family of people you "work" with will allow everyone to feel more comfortable in these changes we challenge ourselves with and help them realize they're not alone in this.
On a non-work level, this of course carries over. Listening with intent has helped me maintain more of a presence in the lives of those important to me. When I first started to really practice listening with intent, I found that it was extremely difficult. I wanted to talk, correct someone, tell someone something useful and so on. It wasn't too long before I told myself I was a schmuck for not listening or sometimes even caring! And we've all been in conversations they we couldn't wait to get out of, don't lie. However, the practice that really got me to listen with intent was for me to show the person I'm talking to that I'm tuned into what they're saying, with no distractions, and I do care and that I'm not rushing out of it. This made having conversations with people more important. If I really didn't want to talk to someone, I tried not to and probably didn't. But, if I did, they had my full undivided attention. Putting the phone down when with my girlfriend is normal for me, but with everyone else I had made it a common thing to just have it in hand. Listening with intent allowed me to listen to what they were saying completely and I found I was and am able to provide better help or get a better idea of what they're saying or experiencing. This helped me form stronger relationships with people because I was able to connect with them more personally. I also found that after listening with intent that I asked fewer questions and spoke/speak less in general and I'd say pretty much kicked the habit of interrupting people when I felt it was "necessary". I think this is because there is then a more direct way to talk to someone when you have the full picture. Listening with intent has helped me connect with people so much more and develop a caring attitude towards people.
3. Understanding my (and your) values
Dr. John Berardi, who has been an influential icon for me this year, once said (and posted here) "Values Are The Guardrails To Keep You On Track". But, what does that mean?
Well, Dr. Berardi also said,
"They’re the ideals you think are essential for a good life. They’re guiding principles you feel proud to live out, beliefs you’re willing to fight for.
They’re (hopefully) how you decide priorities. And, when you use them to decide priorities, you’re more likely to live a fulfilled life."
For example, my #1 value is family and my #1 priority is having an active presence in my partner and family's life. So, if I need to do something or someone asks something of me, I would ask myself if that will help me be a better person to my partner and family. If the answer is no, the decision is already made for me. Another example; if your work becomes too consuming, you have to back off because your family time will suffer. You run decisions through this values and priorities filter and you will most of the time have your answers. Understanding this has helped me make decisions that help my professional growth and become a better person for my family and myself (So, not going on vacation or taking sick days was bad because my family time suffered from it. This point helps balance that).
4. Practicing delayed gratification
It's 2020 now. We get just about everything delivered to us within a week, the next day, or instantly. This is great, but looking at the change in expectations it may cause isn't so great. We get used to this "optimal lightning fast" delivery for everything. I found this to be the case with a lot of things and you may even see this is younger kids (including people my age) hopping from job to job because they aren't making over $100k in the first year. It often takes years to build up a steady, rewarding, and well paying career (in this field at least). Before 2019 I had a bad habit of comparing myself and my career to those who have been doing this for at least 9 years. I look at this now saying "man, you're not doing so bad for not even 3 years in. Imagine yourself in another 6 years if you keep this positive, open-minded, and willing attitude!". There aren't many (if any outside from some friends who I now work with) people coming into the gym saying "Hey, I wanna work with Tom Merc, I love that guy!". But after building a positive reputation, helping people get results, etc. for say 9 years, that can change drastically! And you see this with well seasoned veterans in the field who have done a great job at building a culture and reputation.
Thinking long-term and about the bigger picture isn't easy and some need to practice it daily to remind themselves. I practice thinking long-term and practice working towards something bigger by writing these posts, posting more content, and learning more, because one day however many years later I'll be able to look back at this website or my career & life and say, "Holy shit, look at the work I've done!, Look at the people I've helped!, Look at where this all started from!". This website is my daily, weekly, and monthly practice of working little by little for a bigger, better picture. Find a way to practice delayed gratification and work for/towards that bigger picture.
5. Don't neglect recovery work!
2019 was an amazing year fitness wise. Not only am I happier with myself and the habits I practice, but I have maintained a lower body weight and body fat percentage over the course of the year. I am much more athletic and physically capable than ever before, yet this was the year I ran into the most issues when it comes to muscles, joints, etc.
Now, let me just say that I'm lucky and conscious enough to have not been seriously injured or impaired physically, but I did happen to run into a nasty elbow, hip, and knee (both) injury throughout the year. Currently I'm dealing with the hip issues and working on them daily. As a coach, I know of the importance of lengthen those tight muscles and resting and getting 7-9 hrs of sleep, but I was neglecting it and faced(ing) the consequences. If you want to perform optimally you need to recover optimally. Keep your movement and recovery a top priority.
6. Coaches NEED Coaches
Starting 2019 I was fresh off a long coaching streak. I had worked with said coach for a few years and after becoming a coach myself I wanted to test drive my own abilities. Unfortunately my last coach and I slowly drifted apart (I'd say we're still cool though) which let me run wild following my own expertise having only myself to bounce ideas off of. This was an amazing learning experience. It showed me how I worked with and handled people and situations and highlighted weak points and strengths in my coaching.
Towards the mid-end of 2019 I had reached out to another coach for specific strength and conditioning needs. This was one of the best things I had ever done! I have been working with Coach Danny Foley over at Rude Rock Strength & Conditioning for months now and I can say he has been a strong influence to become a better coach. Let me point out that I humbly have 3 training certifications and under 3 years experience, while Danny has over 8 years experience and multiple nationally accredited certifications including CSCS,D*, TSAC-F,D*, and USAW. I take some great things from his Instagram posts alone, but truly reading the useful and insightful content he produces, along with a few questions here and there have helped me look at muscles, exercises, and coaching from different angles. Having a coach who is more experienced than you and can be a mentor is extremely important for your own growth as much as theirs. Thank you, Dan!
7. Other Coaches are NOT the enemy!
I used to think another Coach was my competition or my enemy who would go off and try to take my business right from under my nose. Don't get me wrong, there are definitely some terrible coaches out there who are in it for the wrong reasons. But, in reality most coaches want more people in their circle like them and as a coach that's YOU (or me in this case)! We are always looking for like minded friends who are going through what we're going through. For some reason, the fitness industry has a strong reputation of shit talking and bashing one another. If you haven't seen this that's GOOD! But, it does still happen and Coaches are sometimes left intimidated to make new friends with someone just like them! I have been lucky enough to work with one of my best friends, Jeff, in most of 2019 and having someone at the ready to talk to has seriously helped me in my career as a Coach. We all need someone to bounce our ideas off of, ask things when we seem to second guess ourselves, keep us in check for when we feel a little burnt out or when we're not giving it our best, and much more. It can be hard to open up and make new friends for some of us, but smart small and work your way to new positive, and engaging friendships. And don't worry if not everyone stays, you can't expect it from everyone.
8. Don't get distracted by the *shiny* NEW!, object
This year I've "discovered" quite a few new styles of training, ways to program, new exercises, and things like that. It's the common thought to have when you find something new to apply it to just about everything. Think about all the diet fads. People go from one, to the next, to the next and so on. Whichever it the hottest topic is where they're at! Trying new things is by no means bad, but if you're hopping from one to another and on in such a short time you won't give the current style of training or eating a long enough time to actually make a difference. Stick to something for a long enough time to actually see if it's right for you and don't jump ship when it "stops" working or your experience slows down.
9. Copying other fitness professionals is NOT wrong!
Honestly, it took me a while to wrap my head around this, but again, I have to thank Coach Dan Foley for touching on this topic a few times. Most trainers start out by getting a certification or degree to provide them with the licensure to do their job legally. Once they do that, a VERY common thing to do is look at who's doing shit right! That is literally the fitness industry, one fit pro passing along old and or new principles, information, and things to their very own group of people and to the next one for generations on end. This is how we learn, grow, improve, and much more. So, is "copying" something really all that bad if it's what just about every profession already does? All things considered, if you do end up taking things from another coach/professional the right thing to do is obviously give credit where credit is due. Taking someone else's idea as your own is just sour, unauthentic, and will likely be come around to backfire sooner or later.
Taking or copying other fit pros and giving them credit is also an excellent way to make friends which is what this industry needs more of. We need more people willing to lend a hand instead of post an Instagram story about them behind their back (yes, I've seen this done before). So, copy on, give due credit and make new friends!
10. Growing old is natural, thinking old isn't
I'll start with saying getting old isn't bad. I noticed that when people think of getting older it's the most terrifying thing ever. I hear this quite often... in fact, when age is a topic there may even be someone who says “yup, getting older there!” Or “You’re XX years old? Oh man, you’re getting there!“ or something along the lines of you being a young whipper snapper someone who’s on the brink of being classified as “old”. I know you hear "Oh, I can't be doing that, I'm too old for that" when it comes to something like a squat or even snorkeling or start creating art or something that "young people" would do. Now, it may be because they've already done it or they fear getting hurt or genuinely think they are no longer capable for some reason or another, but to believe that, I think is wrongful.
To think you need or are obligated to lose your creativity, your inappropriate-ness, your humor, your vigor and more is wrongful thinking! Stay young at heart no matter how old you are.
11. Stop cutting yourself short!
This is something I see far too often. It mainly happens with people who speak in extremes or definitives. It occurs when people try a diet or a specific training method like CrossFit, Tabata or a nutritional style like keto or carnivore, etc. They start this new diet or training style and they end up getting good results. After they achieve these results they share how this specific diet or training was the key to their success. Yet, they don't give themselves credit for having the curiosity to go and look up and google and "research" this interest and then to go and follow a diet or style of training in the first place and be consistent with it! They give credit to "name" diet/training instead of themselves.
I like to think of nutritional and training styles as a preferred tool to help you get results. You have a big toolbox and to help you get as strong as possible you prefer to practice powerlifting, but when you decide to get shredded you practice tracking macros and higher intensity training (these are just examples as well).
I say this because the next time you decide to go on a diet or set a specific strength, endurance, etc., goal you go back to "name of" diet/training style because you believe that's what will certainly work. And sometimes it won't, maybe not forever.
This point is to help people understand that YOU or they are the ones they need to thank not a diet or training style exclusively.
12. Don't be a life sucker
You know those people who are just always really negative? Those are life suckers. You know... people who will say something like "I'll never get a raise here, they just don't care" or "there's no possible way I can do that" and things like that. They are so stuck in the bad, the negative, and the reasons why things will never work that they need to share that emotional feeling with others.
You need to spend as little time around those people as possible until they see things the other way around. This can be really difficult because there has been close friends and even family who just don't want to see you in a good place. For your own good, spread some distance.
Changing your mindset and having a positive one --most of the time, will be a massive help to those around you and yourself. You can lead by example, set the tone in a gloomy situation and stay positive to maybe help others. I had a moment of clarity and noticed this attitude and shitty rain cloud above my head and thought this was no way to move forward in life and that I was draining the life out of everything good. It's not sustainable, it's not helpful, it's not supportive to yourself and others. Disclaimer: I am no therapist, but I did whatever I could to change the way I thought to try and be the person that livens up the situation. Don't be a life sucker.
13. Pay attention to detail
I originally had a hard time coming up with an example for this that didn't seem like a knew everything and I'm full of myself (in which I don't and am not) so, after a third attempt at this I'll keep it short and to the point.
If your boss asks you to wipe down a machine or clean something make sure you clean every single crevice, corner, curve, and even underneath it. Why? Because it shows you take pride in your work, no matter what it is and that you don’t half-ass even the jobs that aren't fun.
Anywhere you go in life, you will benefit from not cutting corners and paying attention to detail like that.
14. Reflect
Well... that's exactly what I'm doing here! Taking a moment to look back, recognize mistakes, lessons you need to learn or relearn, see what went well and so on, is how you save yourself time next time around. If you leave "notes" for yourself to learn from your experience going forward in life will be better not making the same mistake twice or three times over.
15. Read
It doesn't have to be a novel or the entire Harry Potter series, but sharpen your mind somehow. Reading was a hobby I picked up this past year and I love it. To me, it's cheaper and more rewarding that collecting shoes and watches, and it helps me in what I want to do in life. There is a book, article, blog, and paper, longer and shorter in length, and in every genre imaginable for everyone. I will have a "TMPT7's Library" Section on my website in the future to share good reads wether it be an article or a book, etc. for all to see.
Well... It's January 4th, 2020 and this took a bit longer than I had expected, but I feel this was a valuable post for both you, reading this and myself, reflecting. I hope you took something from some of the things I have learned this year and I hope they help you have an amazing year ahead.
Thanks for reading and as always, if you have any questions, please leave them in the comments below I will try to reply as soon as I can!
--Tom
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